Check in.

I know its been along time. things have been very hard around here the last few weeks. Being a single mom is HARD. I'm so tierd. The kids have had colds, and hear infections, and now it looks like Mr. T has pink eye. I keep getting migranes, and there is a sore on my stomach that isn't going away, i don't know what it is, it just keeps getting worse.

On the upside. We're getting used to living at my dads. We have out own living room, and two bedrooms in the basement. One for me, one for the kids. We finally got our assistance set up, so daycare is being paid for. I got a car that works from my friend heather, Work has been supportive.

Justin and me are unlikely to work things out at this point. He doesn't help. He can't even help by picking up Aislyn from daycare the two days a week i need him to. He was going to have them on his day off, but now he's not even doing that. He told me last night he will see them when he wants to see them. Isn't that convienient for you.

The beginning of the End

Today is the first day of moving. Yesterday was supposed to be, but after work I just did not have the energy to deal with it, so today it is. Tommorow is my day off, so I am sure it will be filled with backing, and moving, and me trying not to cry.

I know that it has been a long time coming, but I don't think anyone ever wants to face divorce. "Seperation," which is what we are dealing with here, seems like step one on the road to divorce. Packing up all of my things feels like the end.

We have been so unhappy with each other for so long that I know this is the right thing to do. The right thing, it seems, is never the easy thing. All i want to do is break down, unpack, and curl up in his arms. Because I love him. But I can't. Because I love my children more. And I need to learn to love myself as well.

He hasn't worked in almost a year, except for the one month in there at the cable company he ended up quitting. So here I am working, going to school, barely getting to see my children, miserable in general, and geting no support from where I thought you were supposed to find it.
My husband spends his days keeping the children alive. I choose to use this phrase instead of taking care of them, or watching them, because while they are showered, dressed, and fed, that is all they are.

My mother says nobody takes care of your children the way that you would take care of them. I believe her, and I try to be understand about it, but I hate that my daughter spends her whole day in front of the television. How hard is it to take her to the park, witch is in our apartment complex, 50 feet away. Take her to the mall and let her run around, Take her to visit her friends, or her grandmother. She told me today that her dollies were her friends. Things like that break my heart.

I think that If i felt like he was trying it would be diffrent. But he isn't. He rarely applies anywhere, not one place all week for example, and he tells me he just wants a job he enjoys. I understand this. I want him to enjoy his job. I also want a roof over our head and food on the table. So when he tells me his big plans, I just want to puke. He was going to put out a rap album, and he was going to get rich through drop shipping on ebay, and then he told me -- my favorite one-- he was going to run for Mayor of Detroit. His most recent one is that he is going to buy houses to rent out.

Now, all of these plans have potential. Well, except for that mayor thing. But you need money to promote albums, make albums, buy houses, etc. and we have none because he will not get a job! And then he gets angry with me for not being more supportive. He told me yesterday that his ex, Stacy, the mother of my step children, was always supportive of all his ideas. Good for her. Maybe she didn't care as much about the roof over her families head as she did about keeping him around. I care. I want a real man who does real, grown man things. Like work 40 hours a week, without bitching.

Anyways, I am off to work. Then moving stuff today. I will try to update more often.

Ok, i'm a slacker

I have not posted in ages again. I got that job and I have orientation Wednesday, I'm going to be working the midnight shift, something like 10-5am. Should be interesting. Three or four nights a week. Fingers crossed I survive it.

Justin hates his new job and has been working anywhere from 10-15 hour days. Not fun. It will also be taking him out of town in a couple weeks for a month to S. Carolina. I have no idea how i'm going to survive. Yikes.

Also, my car is dying. Justin says the head is about to blow. I'm not entirely sure what that means except that my car will then be dead. Since we just spent most of our savings replacing Justin's van that broke down I will be what you call "screwed." Not good. Things like getting to school and work will be a problem.

My baby is 3 months old now! He is such a happy little dude, and has been sleeping consistanly anywhere from 6-8 hours at night. That is so great. He's started reaching for things with his hands, and drool indicates he has begun teething. So far no news on his hips, wich is hopefully good news. I think someone would have called me had there been a problem. His next appointments not for 3 weeks or so.

Aislyn got to go to the zoo yesterday. She has sooo much fun. Her favorite was the chimps I think, but she also really liked the seal and the penguins. She was so cute. Spent the night at her grandma's so I will go get her in a bit.

My gym-ness has slacked off this week, so I need to get back on top of things next week. I've just been very stressed out I guess. I don't know. Marital issues, as always. Yuck.

Survived!

So, we survived Justin's first week back to work! I hate how long his hours are, and the house is definatly not as clean as I would like it to be, but we are surviving. I'm figuring it all out I think. Trying to get down a routine.

soooo tierd

I have been a busy busy girl the last few day. I've been working out every day, at least once a day, and the van is broken so i've been getting up early to drive him to work. I don't even know what all i've been doing, all I know is i feel like I haven't sat down since I wrote that last post.

I'm very sore from all my working out. I actually hit the gym twice yesterday, and me and Dh officially signed up, so I am now a gym member. That means I have to keep myself motivated and keep going because we pay for it either way. Lol. I'm hoping I can keep myself going 5 days a week, although its getting harder already as I am EXHAUSTED right now. Aislyn does not want mommy to take a nap either.

Today is Tristan's hip ultrasound at 1. I'm nervous. I really hope everything comes out okay and they say he is perfect. No mommy wants anything to be wrong with their baby. He is still sleeping his 6 hours a night, and I am grateful. Aislyn, unfortunatly, is not anymore. She is up a couple times a night. I'm hoping that ends soon. I really don't know what to do about it.

Mr. T is the sweetest little baby. We got him a mirror toy and he just lays on the floor and talks to himself. Its so cute. He loves to just be talked to and loved on. The only problem is this means less time for Aislyn lovins, for which I feel very guilty. I know it will get better when he is older, but for now its rough.

Things are looking up

So, Justin starts his job on Monday, thank goodness, and I am actually going to be getting a job too. I'm going to be working part time midnights at a local fast food place. Not glamorus, but a chance to get out of the house some, and to earn some money for myself. I haven't had spending money in over two years, so I am really looking forward to it.

In other good news, I've started going to a gym. I'm going to try to go 5 days a week (no weekends). I'm really enjoying it, and they have a daycare there so I get a small break from the children. It really makes me feel like i'm working towreds bettering myself, wich is something I need at this point. My friend Jenny is my workout buddy, and I think Justin will be coming with me some too, wich means i have people to help keep me motivated. I'm so glad.

The kids are doing well too. Tristan moved into the crib this week, and is now sharing a room with his sister. The first night she didn't even notice, but she was very upset when I laid him down for his nap the next day. She told me that it was her bed and Tristand was not allowed to sleep in it. She does seem to have gotten over it now though and things are going pretty smoothly. Mr. Tristan has learned to self sooth! This is probably the most exciting news and it means is now only getting up once at night to eat. He sucks on his fist and puts himself back to sleep, wich means I get to sleep for good 6 hour streatches. Its so great! I can also put him down awake-but-sleepy and he will put himself to sleep. Aislyn didn't do anything like it untill she was 6 months old and we discoverd the blanky.

Finally, a really happy post.

Woo hoo!

Justin got a job! He's going to be installling cable again, wich sucks because he hates that job, but there will be income again! Hooray!

On the other hand, i'm a little nervous about taking care of both chldren on my own. I've had his help for two months now! I'm sure i will get the hang of it, but it is a bit scary for now. Any tips? I could use them!

ooooook

He came home at 4 in the morning with his mind changed. I have no idea whats going on in my life anymore.

Justices party went well. She had such a great time.

Things are better today I guess. I'm going out to get a part time job. Not fantastic one, but money is money. My friend Heather is manager at a Mc Donalds, so i guess I will be flipping burgers. I'm a little heartbroken over leaving my babies at home without me. Expecially because Tristan has been refusing a bottle. I just don't know what else to do at this point though.

Bad day

Things are bad. Justin says he is leaving. That sucks alot.

Tomorrow is Justices birthday, and then.. i don't know. I guess we put in our 30 day notice for the complex.

This had been an aweful month.

Its been a long time

Sorry about the long gap between posts there. Things have been going crazy in my life a bit.

I did not get into the nursing program. I'm dissapointed, but try try again. My GPA was a 3.6 and the lowest they ended up accepting was 3.7, so i'll just retake my B classes and re-apply.

Justin is still unemployed. I guess they interviewed 200 people and hired 18. I don't know what we're going to do. The money is quickly running out. I don't know where we'll go. I'm very stressed out about this.

Good news is the kids health insrance is back on track finally. The bad news is they didn't date it back the three months they were supposed to, so I owe something like 400$ in medical bills for Tristan.

Anyways, since we did get Tristan's card I was able to take him to his 2 months appointment. He's 24 in and 11lbs 13oz. Growing like a weed! He also got 4 shots, screamed the whole time, and all the way out to the parking lot. Poor baby. The doctor said we need to get an ultrasound on his hips as I guess they are not sure they are growing correctly, so that is on the 23rd. She did say that if there is a problem it is easily correctable, so i guess i'm not that worried about it.

The laptop is broken, thats another rearson i've been on alot less. And a basic bout of depression that just makes me not feel up to it. So stressed.

Aislyn Meets a Horse

The weekend was fine. We went to a picknic my MIL's senior apartments were throwing. Aislyn got to see horses, witch she was really excited about at first, but by the time we got up to them she was scared. Lol. She closed her eyes and wouldn't look at them or touch them, but everytime I asked her if she was ready to go she would tell me no. When we got back to where DH was standing she was all excited, telling him about the horses. Cracked me up. Tristan slept pretty much the whole time.

There was a massage booth set up, so me and my friend Jenny got massages for free. We're thinking about doing something called a pamper party, where you hire these people to come to your house. Sounds like a grand idea to me.

I've been Tagged

You have to give one word answers and then tag five people: .. ok, i'll bite. Thx Cheri.
NAK

Yourself: blah
Your Hair: blond
Your Favorite Item: bed
Your Dream Last Night: flashback
Your favorite Drink: chocolatemik (no space= 1 word)
Your Dream Car: green
The Room You Are In: living
Your Fear: failure
Where You Want to be in Ten Years: Nursing
Who You Hung Out With Last Night: Tammie!
You're Not: awake
One of Your Wish List Items: PS2
The Last Thing You Did: nursed
You Are Wearing: clothes
Your Favorite Weather: sunny
Your Favorite Book: Kushiel
Last Thing You Ate: cereal
Your Life: exhausting
Your Mood: content
What Are You Thinking About Right Now: Hubby
What Are You Doing At The Moment: typing
Relationship Status:Married

Friday

I seriously could not think of a title for this post, so there you have it.

Justin passed phase one of the interview process yesterday, so we are excited about that. Part 2 is next Tuesday. Hopefully that goes well too.

In other news, Lil J, my step son, is coming to live with us, I think. We signed him up at the local elementry school, and we may be getting him as early as next week. His mother lives in Detroit, and we don't really like the school system there. On top of that, he's been having a rough time with his reading, witch we feel like we need to take care of now before he gets more behind. We haven't gotten everything 100% figured out at this point, so things could still change, but as of right now it looks like he's coming to stay.

Thats my update for now. Woo hoo.

My appointments

Yesterday's appointment went well. Their insurance is on a good track. Hopefully they will be reinstated soon. The process will start tomorrow. Tristan came to my appointment with me and he was a bit cranky in the waiting room. I had him sitting on my leg and I was patting his back trying to calm him down when he pooped. Loudly. In the crowded waiting room. My appointment was at 1:30 and it was about 1:40 when this happond, so I knew my name was going to be called soon. I told the security guard what happond and asked if she would let them know I was in the bathroom if my name was called. Took T in the bathroom to change him, and there was poop EVERYWHERE. Serious, serious poop. It was all over his clothes, and his blanket, and my pants, and my sweatshirt. I seriously just washed his butt off in the sink. Lol. Another lady came in and I think she thought I was crazy. I turned his blanket inside out and carried him back out to the lobby, where I told the lady that I had to run out to my car to change his clothes. She was laughing at me. Went out to the car, changed his clothes, came back in. Jeez. They finally called my name and He was starving by then so the worker told me to go to my car and feed him and she would be back for me in a minute.

Also, I had my 6 week post partum today. Everything was good, except that i've actually gained 4 pounds. Damn. I'm going on monday to get an IUD. ParaGard? Its got no hormones and lasts for 10 years, which sounds good to me. No more babies please! Thank you!

Tomorrow is Justin's interview!

8 Hours of Sleep

Thats right. I slept 8 hourse last night. Woo hoo! Sadly, it was not because the T man slept that long. It was because both children spent the night at their Nana's house.

I had a very, very hard time leaving Mr. T for the first time, but I desperatly needed the sleep. I feel soooo much better today. I can't even explain the diffrence sleep makes. Mr. T didn't mind too much I don't think. He was all smiles when I picked him up this morning. First smiles are so amazing. Made my day.

On the other hand, I woke up with crazy engorged leaking everywhere boobs from not breastfeeding. That was not so fun.

Tomorrow is my appointment for the health insurance. The next day is my post partum. Then Thursday is Justin's interview.

Progress

Lots of progress was made today!

First, I finally got an appointment set up for the children's health insurance. I had been calling my worker for months, no answer, no call back, so I went up there today and sat for 2 hours just to make an appointment, but at least it is made. Its for next Tuesday, 1:30.

Second progress: Justin has a job interview! Its with Comcast, witch is want we really wanted, and its next thursday. I really really hope he gets it. He has to go take a test and I guess they will tell him that day weather he gets it or not .I'm so excited for him. Send prayers our way if you have any to spare, we really need this.

Aislyn's Butt

Auntie Tammie came over today and we went to the pool with Aislyn. Aislyn had a great time swimming and trying to convince Tammie to come in-- didn't happon. Anyways, Aislyn gets out of the pool and the water is dripping off her unto to cement. She starts yelling "MY BUTT, MY BUTT!" because the water was dripping off of in, then bends over to look between her legs and watch the water drip. Very, very funny. Not so classy. Lol.

Tammie got some pictures today too, so I should be able to update the kids page soon. Woo hoo.

Also, watched Juno again today. I LOVE that movie. Always makes me cry at the end though. Another good day.

Mommy's Night Out

Today was laundy day! Woo hoo! Packed up the kids and drove to my Dad's to do the laundry. Aislyn got to play with the dog, witch she LOVES, and grandpa had grapes and strawberries.. yum. Plus Tristan took a decant nap, so I got to get some good snuggles from my girl.

Tonight though, me and Tammie went out to dinner. Its the first time I've really been out since before the T man was born. Soooo nice. We went and had Sushi, and then bought Justin his fathers day presents at the mall. They have a really good sale at Bath and Body Works too right now, so I bought bubble bath! Thats about as exciting as my life gets these day. No, seriously, bubble bath rocks. I can't wait to take my bath. Hopefully tonight! I also got Tristan the coolest Paci that I will have to get a picture of as soon as the camera comes out of hiding.

All in all, not a bad day. I give it a 6.5.

Auntie Tammie Freaks Out, and Aislyn Hates Bugs

Yesterday was mostly a rotten day. Me and Justin fought pretty much all day about things not to be discussed here. Anyways, Aislyn went down for her nap at 12:30 and I packed up Tristan and ran for the hills. I ended up at my best friends parents house. Tammie and me have been friends for... ever. Since middle school. Must be 10 years now? She was the maid of honor in my wedding, and held up my leg when Tristan was born.

Tammie was holding Mr. Tristan and you heard him start pooping. Loudly and violently. Tammie practicly threw the baby at me. It was so funny. The panick on her face... oh poor Auntie Tammie. Made my day though.

After I got home me and the kids walked down the the park in my apartment complex. Aislyn LOVES the sandbox usually, but today there were ants EVERYWHERE. Aislyn freaked out. She's been so worried about bugs lately. She's been telling me that ants are going to bite her, and over the weekend she kept running up to me freaking out about non existant bugs on her leg that she needed me to get off. She would start crying if I told her I couldn't find any bugs. Anyways, we got to the park, and looked in the sandbox, and it was filled with ants. Aislyn freaked out and we turned right back around and went home. Shortest day at the park ever.

My Mommy Bathing Suit

I wish I could backdate this post for yesterday, when I wrote it, but instead I will just copy and paste.

Today was my first day wearing my new "mom" swim suit. Its a two peice, but it has a long top so that my stomach will hopefully stay covered. We went to Wal-Mart the other day, and I got practicly the fist thing I saw, since I hate shopping with both children. It on its own is not the most attractive suit ever, I am hoping it will be temporary, and that one day I will retreive some semblance of my old body. I sorely miss my skinny, no cellulite, no streatch mark body. I remember when I wore a swim suit with pride! No more though. Now I wrap my towel around my waist before I leave the house, and practically leap into the pool as soon as its off, praying nobody is looking too closely.

Now, I don't feel that I look so bad for having given birth a month ago. However, the people at the pool do not know I just gave birth, and several of them have bodies that have never given birth to anything at all. And several of them are my age.

Also, I did not realize untill we were leaving the pool that I had somehow forgotten to take the tag off the bottom peice of the suit. Double embarrasing. I need my own yard, with its own pool I think, where the only people who will think I'm a fool are the ones who already know I am.

I did not enjoy the suit part of the swim today, to say the least, but I did survive it.
Aislyn, however, in her Elmo and Zoe one peice that just got all of its tags torn off today, loved her swim. She has been begging for a few days now to go in the pool, witch is how i got coaxed into the mommy suit in the first place. She was adorable with her enormous blue swim wings on. Her arms were stuck out at her sides. So freaking funny. She got right in and had soo much fun. I guess that makes it all worth while. She even did ok when I let her go so that just the floaties were holding her up. What a brave little girl. I was so proud.

There were some older children in the pool with us, around middle school age, and my poor daughter kept trying to play with them. She's so friendly, and she had no friends her own age. It breaks my heart. She kept yelling "hi" to them, and saying "mommy, friends!" I wanted to cry. They, of course, ignored her completely. My poor girl. I cannot wait until this fall. If i get into the nursing program I applied for, she will be going to daycare, where there will be lots of kids who can be her friends. She's so outgoing, and loves people so much, i know it will be good for her.


Tristan stayed home with daddy while we swam. I suspect he slept the whole time. The biggest part of his day was a poop that escaped his diaper and ended up on the couch. Yuck.

Hello Again

I blogged in High school alot. I had all kinds of diffrent blogs over the years, up untill midway through my pregnancy with my daughter. My DH is not a fan of the blogging world. He doesn't like our buisness out there for everyone to see. Not something that ever botherd me in the least.

Anyways, the way I have been feeling lately.. I just need somewhere to put things down. Writing has always been one of my favorite theropies, and I'm sure DH will not mind, so long as the people reading this are not people we are likely to run into on the street.

I suppose this should be the standard introductions post then, eh? Well, I'm Jenn, 22 year old momma to Aislyn Jane, born in March '06, and Tristan Eric, born May '08. I've been married to Hubby Justin for 2 years now. I don't really know how to sum up life thus far in one post, so I'm not going to attempt it. I'll try to give some decent background info in later posts.